Resolve

I'm not really big on New Year's Resolutions. I think part of the issue is my general dislike of commitment, except for to my lovely fiance, of course. I blame this commitment aversion for why I've moved an average of once a year since I left home for college in 1997; why I can't get through more than one season of a tv show, even one that I really like; and why I rarely, if ever, make New Year's Resolutions.

But this year, I have resolved to do the following two things:

1. Start that blog I've been writing in my head for the past year.  Done and done.

2. Be much more like my cat.


Miss Phoebe in one of her rare quiet moments...


Miss Phoebe is NEVER at a loss for words. She meows when she's happy, she meows when she's hungry, she meows when she wants in a room, wants out of a room, wants petted, wants us to stop petting her......it goes on and on and on. There is never an emotion, a thought, or a feeling that she experiences that she doesn't meow very loudly about (we can talk about the fact that I think my cat has emotions, thoughts, and feelings at another time).

I, on the other hand am a very, very serious internalizer. I generally have to take any/all of my feelings, ideas, thoughts, and roll them around and around and around in my own head before I fully understand them or I am interested in expressing them.

This, by the way, does not lend itself to being a good conversationalist, which requires being able to think and respond in a fairly expedient manner. If I could have my way, every conversation would allow for intermittent breaks where I could take 15 minutes to think through something before I had to discuss it.

You're just dying to call me up right now and have a really long, intermittently silent, totally awkward conversation, aren't you?

As one can imagine, this leads to interesting times in our household. I generally am not ready to discuss something with Mr. T until at least a good half an hour after it first happens or is brought up, resulting in a lot of confusion and blank stares, and comments such as "You've been thinking about that this whole time?" This can also lead to me not always discussing something that's on my mind, because by the time I have it figured out in my head, the best time for discussing it has passed, and it's 3 a.m., or I'm at work, or he's in the shower, or something else inconvenient to having a serious discussion is happening. While I have actually become much better at talking through what I'm ruminating on endlessly in my head with Mr. T, instead of trying to wait until I have it all figured out, I am still not so great at it in most of my other relationships.

And what all of this really results in is me not being as open as I would like to be with the people I am close to, and especially people I am just getting to know - which is not so great for building better, more meaningful relationships.

And SO, ladies and gentleman, this year I am resolving to be much more like my extremely vocal cat. I am going to put forth the serious effort to converse more, share more, and internalize way less.

I'm even clever enough to have my two New Year's resolutions acting together, as I hope for this blog to be just another avenue for me to totally overshare through.

Lucky you.